Confidence, Faith in One’s Self
Confidence, Having Faith in Yourself
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing must be attained.
~ Marie Curie
The Roots of Confidence: A Word with Deep Soil
Confidence. A word we throw around so easily, as if it were a switch to be flipped, a quality some are simply born with while others forever lack. But if we trace it back, we find something far more profound.
The word confidence comes from the Latin confidere, meaning "to have full trust." It is built from con- (meaning “with”) and fidere (meaning “to trust”). At its heart, confidence is not about bravado or showmanship—it is about trust. Trusting yourself. Trusting life. Trusting that you are capable of meeting what comes.
Somewhere along the way, confidence became entangled with arrogance, with loudness, with the kind of dazzling self-assurance that leaves no room for doubt. But real confidence is quieter. It does not need to announce itself. It does not need to prove anything. It simply is.
Virginia Woolf once wrote, “Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle.” And indeed, to lack confidence is to remain curled inward, unsure of how to stand. To gain confidence is to unfold—slowly, perhaps, but surely—toward the world.
But how? How does one cultivate this elusive quality?
Confidence Is Not What You Think It Is
We often mistake confidence for certainty. We imagine the confident person as someone who knows—who strides forward with unshakable assurance, immune to hesitation.
But true confidence does not mean having all the answers. It does not mean never doubting, never questioning. It means moving forward anyway.
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
—Henry David Thoreau
The key is in that first word: Go. Confidence is not something you have before you act; it is something you gain by acting. The great paradox is this: You do not wait for confidence to arrive before stepping into the world—you step into the world, and confidence follows.
The Pillars of Confidence: Where It Matters Most
Confidence is not a monolith. It moves in different ways through different arenas of life. Here are the four major pillars where confidence plays a vital role—and how to strengthen them.
1. Confidence in Your Mind (Intellectual Confidence)
To be confident in your mind is to trust your ability to think, to learn, to discern. It is the ability to hold your own opinions while remaining open to new information.
Ways to strengthen intellectual confidence:
Read widely and deeply. The more perspectives you encounter, the sharper your own thinking becomes.
Develop a tolerance for not knowing. The best thinkers do not cling to certainty; they embrace complexity.
Speak your thoughts aloud. The act of articulation clarifies the mind.
Challenge your own ideas. Confidence does not mean being right—it means being willing to learn.
"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled."
—Plutarch
2. Confidence in Your Heart (Emotional Confidence)
Emotional confidence is the trust that you can handle your own feelings. It is knowing that you will not be destroyed by sorrow, nor swept away by fear. It is the ability to say, I am allowed to feel this, and I will still be okay.
Ways to strengthen emotional confidence:
Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a beloved friend.
Learn to sit with discomfort. Do not rush to numb or avoid difficult feelings.
Express yourself honestly. The more you allow your emotions to be seen, the less power they have over you.
Remember: Feelings are temporary. No storm lasts forever.
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
—Buddha
3. Confidence in Your Choices (Decision-Making Confidence)
Every day, we are faced with choices. Some small, some life-altering. Confidence in decision-making does not mean always choosing perfectly—it means trusting that whatever choice you make, you will be able to handle its outcome.
Ways to strengthen decision-making confidence:
Get clear on your values. The stronger your sense of what matters to you, the easier decisions become.
Practice making small decisions quickly. Confidence grows through action.
Accept that there is no perfect choice—only the choice you commit to.
Reflect, but do not ruminate. Make the best choice you can with what you know, then move forward.
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
In our journey to understand confidence, we've explored its intellectual, emotional, and decision-making facets. Now, let's delve into a deeper dimension:
4. Existential Confidence: Embracing the Uncharted
Existential confidence is a profound way of being in the world, rooted in an unwavering trust that you are sufficient to face life's uncertainties and novel challenges. This form of confidence doesn't rely on past experiences or a belief in one's superiority. Instead, it's a serene assurance that, regardless of the unknowns ahead, you possess the inner resources to navigate them.
Henry David Thoreau, in his pursuit of authentic living, encapsulated this sentiment: "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." Thoreau's words remind us that by trusting our path and moving forward with conviction, we align ourselves with outcomes that transcend ordinary expectations.
Walt Whitman, too, celebrated the boundless potential within each individual. He proclaimed, "I am large, I contain multitudes." This acknowledgment of our vast inner landscape encourages us to trust in our inherent complexity and capacity. By embracing all facets of ourselves, we cultivate an existential confidence that remains steadfast, even when external circumstances waver.
Cultivating existential confidence involves:
Self-Acceptance: Embracing your entirety—the strengths, vulnerabilities, contradictions, and aspirations.
Mindfulness: Engaging fully with the present moment, allowing experiences to unfold without judgment.
Resilience: Recognizing that challenges are integral to growth and trusting in your ability to adapt and persevere.
The Confidence Paradox: The Impossible Balancing Act
If you’ve seen Barbie (or even just the now-famous monologue from it), you’ll recognize the impossible tightrope women are asked to walk. The speech lays it bare: You have to be thin but not too thin. You have to be a boss but not be mean. You have to lead but not step on toes. You have to age gracefully but never get old. You have to be confident but never arrogant. You have to know your worth but never ask for too much.
Nowhere is this paradox more apparent than in the realm of confidence. Women are told, over and over again, that the secret to success is to just be more confident. Speak up. Assert yourself. Take up space.
But when women do project confidence, they often find themselves penalized for it. A confident man is seen as strong, capable, a natural leader. A confident woman? Too much. Too aggressive. Too cold. Too ambitious. The very same qualities that elevate men are used to critique women.
The Double Bind of Confidence
Confidence is a critical currency in the workplace—it determines who gets leadership roles, who influences decisions, who advances. But for women, displaying confidence is a double-edged sword.
They are expected to be confident, but not too confident—assertive, but not aggressive; self-assured, but not arrogant. This creates a psychological tightrope, forcing women to calibrate every word, every expression, every action to ensure they are neither too much nor too little.
And when confidence is framed as the solution to systemic issues—when women are simply told to “lean in” or “fake it till they make it” without addressing the deeper biases at play—it leads to internalized self-doubt. Women begin questioning themselves. Am I too direct? Am I too soft? Am I not enough? Am I too much?
This cycle fuels imposter syndrome, where even highly accomplished women find themselves doubting their worth, fearing that they are frauds who will be “found out.” But let’s be clear: this is not a personal failing—it is the result of a system that punishes women for playing by the very rules it claims to reward.
So, how do we break free?
Breaking Free from the Confidence Paradox
Breaking free from the Confidence Paradox requires intentional strategies that empower women to navigate societal double binds and foster genuine self-assurance. Here are three research-backed approaches:
1. Seek Out Role Models and Mentors
Engaging with mentors and role models who reflect one's identity can significantly bolster confidence. Research by psychologist Nilanjana Dasgupta introduced the "Stereotype Inoculation Model," demonstrating that exposure to successful individuals from similar backgrounds can buffer against negative stereotypes and enhance self-concept. For women in male-dominated fields, connecting with female mentors provides tangible proof that success is attainable, thereby reinforcing self-belief.
2. Practice Self-Affirmation
Self-affirmation exercises have been shown to mitigate the effects of stereotype threat and enhance performance. Studies indicate that when women reflect on their core values and strengths, they experience a boost in confidence and resilience. This practice helps in viewing oneself as a multifaceted individual, reducing the impact of negative stereotypes on self-perception.
3. Engage in Assertiveness Training
Developing assertiveness skills enables women to communicate their needs and boundaries effectively. Feminist therapy techniques emphasize assertiveness training to help women distinguish between passive, aggressive, and assertive behaviors. Research has shown that such training leads to increased self-esteem and confidence, empowering women to navigate professional and personal interactions more effectively.
Returning to the roots of the word "confidence," derived from the Latin confidere, meaning "to have full trust," it's evident that true confidence is built upon a foundation of self-trust. By implementing these strategies, women can cultivate a deep-seated faith in their abilities, transcending societal paradoxes and contributing their invaluable strengths to the world.
Remember, fostering this self-trust is a journey that may be challenging, but support is available. Engaging with a counselor or mentor can provide guidance and reinforce the belief that you are inherently capable and deserving of confidence.
The Slow Work of Becoming
Confidence is not something you wake up with one day, fully formed. It is something cultivated, like a garden. Some days, progress is invisible. Some days, doubt seeps in. But if you keep tending to it—if you keep showing up—it grows.
And if you feel lost, if you feel unsure where to begin, know this: You do not have to do it alone.
Guidance exists. A counselor, a mentor, a trusted companion—someone who can remind you, when you forget, that you are already more capable than you think.
Confidence is not about becoming someone else. It is about trusting that who you already are is enough.
And that, dear one, is the truth.
No one in the last 250 years has spoken to that deep truth with more vigor and exuberance than the great American poet, Walt Whitman. Feast on these words and feel your own existence lifted up in the wake of his radical realization of faith in the self.
Song of Myself (an excerpt)
Walt Whitman
Long I was hugg’d close—long and long.
Immense have been the preparations for me,
Faithful and friendly the arms that have help’d me.
Cycles ferried my cradle, rowing and rowing like cheerful boatmen,
For room to me stars kept aside in their own rings,
They sent influences to look after what was to hold me.
Before I was born out of my mother generations guided me,
My embryo has never been torpid, nothing could overlay it.
For it the nebula cohered to an orb,
The long slow strata piled to rest it on,
Vast vegetables gave it sustenance,
Monstrous sauroids transported it in their mouths and deposited it with care.
All forces have been steadily employ’d to complete and delight me.
Now on this spot I stand with my robust soul.
