Courage
Types of Courage
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." ― Eleanor Roosevelt
Physical Courage
When we conjure images of courage, we often see the flash of heroism—figures braving fire and flood, defying danger to rescue the imperiled. These are acts of physical courage, the kind immortalized in legend and lore. They stir something deep in us, a primal admiration for those who move against fear, who hurl themselves into peril for the sake of another.
But courage is not always so visible. Some forms of courage leave no footprints in the ash, no ripples on the water. They are the quiet, invisible forces that shape a life from the inside out.
Moral Courage
There is a bravery that does not require fire or flood yet burns all the same—the courage to stand in truth, even when it costs dearly. Whistleblowers who expose corruption, activists who challenge injustice, individuals who speak when silence is safer—these are the bearers of moral courage. They stand before judgment, before exile, before threats to their very being, yet they do not falter. To risk one’s security for the sake of what is right—this is a deep and abiding courage.
Vital Courage
There is the courage of the body, not in the face of battle, but in the quiet war against fate. The person who wakes each day to the specter of terminal illness, who chooses meaning in the face of suffering, who embraces life even as death tightens its grip—this is vital courage. It is the will to persist, to carve beauty into the days that remain, to live fiercely even in the presence of the inevitable.
Psychological Courage
And then there is the courage of the soul—the most invisible, the most relentless. This is the courage to confront the darkness within, to wrestle with the inner demons that have kept one bound. It is the willingness to dismantle the self, to strip away the defenses that have long shielded the heart. It is the courage to face addiction, to untangle the knots of fear and compulsion, to rebuild a life from its rawest foundations. Psychological courage asks us to risk losing the mind we know, to venture into uncertainty with no guarantee of return. And yet, without it, we remain trapped, prisoners of our own making.
The Crossroads of Courage
In any given moment, when faced with adversity, we stand at a crossroads. There are only three paths before us: 1) to change the situation, 2) to leave it, or 3) to accept it. Each demands its own kind of courage.
The Courage to Change
To change a painful situation requires a particular kind of fortitude. It demands that we resist the urge to flee, to fight blindly, or to numb ourselves to the discomfort. True change requires that we feel—fully and completely—the pain of where we are, and then act decisively to alter it. This is not recklessness; it is the disciplined courage of transformation.
The journey of change asks for:
Awareness – Recognize the need for change and understand the potential impact of inaction. Do an imaginary journey into the future and see what it looks like if you take no action to change what is. Can you live with that?
Determination – We must be willing to face the anxieties related to taking action, such as fear of conflict, disapproval, or failure. Nobody likes change and as the agent of change, they may not like you for awhile! Be OK with that.
Assertiveness – Communicate needs and boundaries. Successful change requires extraordinary skills in both speaking and (especially) listening. You won’t get what you want if you don’t ask, and you won’t know if others are moving with you if you can’t hear them.
Resilience – Cultivate the ability to rebound from setbacks and stay on course in the face of resistance. Too often we give way at the first signs that others are not on board. Keep your eyes on the prize!
The Courage to Leave
If change is not possible, there remains the option of departure. Yet leaving is often the most terrifying choice of all. Why do we cling to what harms us? Why do we stay in suffocating relationships, in jobs that drain us, in cycles of suffering we know too well? Because the unknown is more frightening than the pain we have learned to bear. The familiar, even when toxic, is a comfort to the nervous system.
But courage calls us to walk away when the time comes. It calls us to unshackle ourselves from patterns that no longer serve us, to release the need for what is broken simply because it is known.
To leave, one must:
Speak truth – If something hurts, say so. Share your feelings in a vulnerable way. It’s not your job to protect your spouse, partner, coworker, boss, friend, child, or parent from knowing they’ve behaved badly. Speaking out is your best chance of being heard. Don’t let people think you’re happy when you’re not.
Separate empathy from accountability – Feel compassion, but do not take responsibility for others’ choices. That’s just another way of blaming yourself instead of feeling your fear or sadness. Everyone gets to own what they said and did.
Stop blaming yourself – Recognize when fear of loss throws you into self-blame. When something upsetting happens between you and someone important in your life, keep in mind that your fear of displeasing or losing them is bound to throw you back into self-blame. Instead of assuming you have done something wrong, assess the situation from the outside to gain some perspective.
Stand firm in your worth – Nothing stirs self-doubt more than constant messages that you’re the one with the problem, the one who is lazy, selfish, stupid, or crazy, as emotional abusers who love to gaslight often claim. You deserve to be treated with respect by everyone. No exceptions!
The Courage to Accept
And then there is acceptance. Some things cannot be changed, no matter how fiercely we wish it otherwise. The diagnosis. The loss. The betrayal. The path we can never walk again. In these moments, courage is not about resistance, but acquiescence. Not about resignation, but deep, abiding peace.
Acceptance is not passivity—it is the boldest act of all. It requires us to release the illusion of control, to unclench our grasp on what was and to step fully into what is. To find grace in the wreckage. To trust that even in endings, there is something beginning.
The path of acceptance asks us to:
Acknowledge what we resist – See where we are fighting reality itself. What specifically do you have an issue with? Dig down past the surface issues or other people’s problems until you come to your own emotional realities. This is where it matters.
Take ownership of our needs – Identify the unmet needs and explore how to meet them. Open up to receiving from unexpected sources. Be humble and creative and full of curiosity.
Say Yes to reality – Let go of the mental battle and find ease in what is. State the situation out loud. Say it often enough that you can do it without weeping or trembling. It is empowering to stand in what is.
Take action – Beware of the danger of saying that you’ve let go but in reality you are seething with resentment or bewilderment: “How could God let this happen to me?” So long as we are breathing, we have agency and it is dangerous to give that up; nothing leads to despair more quickly than feeling that nothing we do matters. It all matters. So, take action, something small, every single day.
Acceptance is not about surrendering the right use of our will; it is about moving forward with clarity and confidence that we are doing what we can do within the limits of our mortal existence. It is about recognizing the beauty and potential within everyone and everything at all times.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
The Quiet Heroism of Everyday Life
We may never be the figures in the great stories, the ones who charge into flames or throw themselves into the sea. But courage is not always so grand. Sometimes, it is the quiet strength of the person who rises again after heartbreak, the one who tells the truth despite trembling voice, the one who lets go when everything in them wants to hold on.
Let us honor this courage, too. Let us stand in awe of those who face the world—both within and without—with unwavering hearts. For in every quiet act of bravery, the world shifts, ever so slightly, toward the light.
And so, the warrior in me honors the warrior in you.
